Curse

Sol_Vie · Jan 15, 2006, 10:51 AM // 10:51

Alright, the Ultimate Showdown thread reminded me of these things.

I'm not going to post any links, because no one link has all of them. Just go google

Chuck Norris Facts
Mr. T Facts
and
Vin Diesel Facts

Example?

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.

Vin Diesel never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Sorry if you all find this quite dull. It's 6am and I should have been in bed yesterday.

Hope ya enjoy it.

thor hammerbane · Jan 15, 2006, 02:59 PM // 14:59

LOLOL, my friend told me all these facts as well. went skiing yestrerday, this is all i heard on the bus ride home lol. My fav is(i hope i didnt butcher it)

Chuck Norris built a time machine to stop the jfk assasination. He stopped all 3 bullets with his beard and jfks head exploded in amazement.

Sol_Vie · Jan 15, 2006, 07:15 PM // 19:15

Haha nope that one's in there. A beaut, really.

The Purple Pants Guy · Jan 15, 2006, 07:30 PM // 19:30

Steve Irwin once horse-collar tackled Chuck Norris as Norris roundhouse-kicked Irwin to the face. The resulting double-impact set off car alarms within a 20-mile radius and 16 women went into labor, 9 of whom weren't even pregnant.

Ultimate_Gaara · Jan 15, 2006, 07:50 PM // 19:50

Ya, I have read over 100 Chuck Norris facts.

My two personal favourites are "Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. "

and

" A blind man once steped on Chuck Norris' foot, and Chuck Norris said "Do you know who I am?, im Chuck Norris" The sound of his name cured the mans blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing the man ever saw as a fatal roundhouse kick to the face"

Wow.. these facts are spreading like wild fire two weeks ago the only people who ever spoke about them was my circle of friends, now even the radio has them....

The one Casey Squid · Jan 15, 2006, 07:51 PM // 19:51

Muhammad Ali does not have Parkinson's. He simply shivers in the fear the Chuck Norris will kill him

Rahl · Jan 15, 2006, 07:52 PM // 19:52

Quote:

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

/lol..

Two April Mornings · Jan 15, 2006, 08:02 PM // 20:02

i love these
CHUCK NORRIS IS THE REASON WHY WALDO IS HIDING!

The one Casey Squid · Jan 15, 2006, 08:11 PM // 20:11

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

In 1959 Stephen Hawking became the first and only person to outsmart Chuck Norris. He learned his lesson

Divinitys Creature · Jan 15, 2006, 09:13 PM // 21:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Purple Pants Guy

Steve Irwin once horse-collar tackled Chuck Norris as Norris roundhouse-kicked Irwin to the face. The resulting double-impact set off car alarms within a 20-mile radius and 16 women went into labor, 9 of whom weren't even pregnant.

LMAO

killer toast · Jan 15, 2006, 09:24 PM // 21:24

lol ....

I pwnd U · Jan 16, 2006, 02:28 AM // 02:28

i think this is right...

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T in the Chest just as Mr. T punched Chuck Norris in the face. The resulting impact caused what scientist know as the big bang.

EchoSex · Jan 16, 2006, 03:28 AM // 03:28

Chuck Norris does not sleep - he waits.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, as hunting implies failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris once ate 50 pounds of steak in 30 minutes. He spent the first 29 minutes and 30 seconds having sex with the waitress.

Sol_Vie · Jan 16, 2006, 03:31 AM // 03:31

xD

I'm glad you're all enjoying these. I was driving around with my friend the other night (at around 2am) and he started spouting some of these off. I had wanted to look some more up, but I forgot until I saw the Ultimate Showdown video.

I pwnd U · Jan 16, 2006, 04:32 AM // 04:32

i think one goes

Mr. T once ate 75 pounds of steak in 30 minutes. He spent the first 29 minutes and 30 seconds laughing at chuck norris

Teh Azman · Jan 16, 2006, 04:38 AM // 04:38

Dunno if that's on their, buuuuuuuut my personal favorite is:

"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did."

Sergio Leone · Jan 16, 2006, 04:42 AM // 04:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by I pwnd U

i think one goes

Mr. T once ate 75 pounds of steak in 30 minutes. He spent the first 29 minutes and 30 seconds laughing at chuck norris

ROFL!! There is one a friend of mine has in his AIM profile. It's similar to this -

Just as Harry Potter was about to grab the snitch, Chuck Norris snatched it away and round-house kicked Potter in the face. He then proceded to have sex with Hermione, she gave birth to 3 snakes a week later.

.defekt · Jan 16, 2006, 04:53 AM // 04:53

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

The last time Mr. T cried, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. Then to make himself feel better, he ate 2 of every animal.

One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

I pwnd U · Jan 16, 2006, 04:57 AM // 04:57

Chuck Norris is never late. If Chuck Norris is late then time better slow the RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GO down.

President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq. However Chuck Norris was busy that day.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

My personal Favorite:
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

naix · Jan 16, 2006, 05:01 AM // 05:01

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.